Dealing with An Empty Nest

When your child leaves home, suddenly, it seems your house went from being hectic and chaotic to completely silent. Good job, you helped your child launch into their life! Yet, sometimes, whether your child is moving away to college or getting an apartment, parents will experience empty nest syndrome. While it's a huge life transition for your child and a necessary next step, it will also be a period of change for parents.

If you are struggling with being an empty nester or you are trying to prepare, there are a variety of ways to deal with empty nest syndrome.

What Is Empty Nest Syndrome?

It's essential to remember that empty nest syndrome, although challenging, is a natural part of the parenting journey. It typically occurs when the last child leaves home for good. The departure of a child, especially the last one, can trigger a range of emotions in parents, from anger and anxiety to loneliness and resentment. Recognizing these feelings as part of the process can provide reassurance that you're not alone in this experience.

Coping with emptiness syndrome

Outside of speaking to a therapist, you may wonder how to cope with empty nest syndrome. While a psychotherapist can provide professional guidance and support, there are also things you can do on your own to help get to the stage where it doesn't feel as heartbreaking. Some of those ways to cope include:

Show support to your child.

While this will look different for every family dynamic, respecting what the adult child wants and needs to feel independent is essential to preserving your relationship. It's okay to voice your concerns if they're coming from a place of care. The main goal here is not to let the child feel as if they're letting you down or doing something wrong for wanting their independence and agency. For example, if a teen or young adult wants to do more things on their own, it's essential to let them know that you are proud of their resiliency, strength, and courage instead of voicing your fears and criticisms. 

Accept their decision and the timing.

Building on the tip above, it's important to understand that every adult child will leave home at a different time. It may happen sooner or much later than you originally anticipated, but that's okay; everyone has an individual journey, and often, there is no exact "right" time beyond when it feels right to your child.

It's also okay to feel as if they've made the wrong choice out of concern for how they will make it without your help. In this scenario, try to accept the choice that they've made to avoid possible bitterness between you two. This chapter can offer a different type of closeness: your child needs you, just in a different way now. When you manage your feelings without projecting them onto your child, you allow this transition to provide space for a shift in the relationship to begin.  

Lean on other parents.

In many scenarios, you may know someone who has already dealt with empty nest syndrome or with a child leaving home. Try to find someone who has handled this gracefully and positively. Ask them for any tips and suggestions that they found helpful. Consider finding a support group to expand your support network.

Find new ways to fill time.

With an empty house comes less responsibility and, ultimately, more free time for many parents, which can lead to them questioning their identity and role in life. Instead of dwelling on the loss, consider this transition as an opportunity for a positive new beginning. Engaging in activities that you find fulfilling, such as taking up a creative hobby, joining a club, or volunteering, helps fill the void and find a sense of purpose in this new phase of life. Life transitions present opportunities for shifts in meaning and identity.

Discuss ways to keep in touch.

Initially, you might want to talk to your child multiple times a day, which may indicate separation anxiety. Instead, it would be sustainable and less burdensome for your child if you manage your feelings of loss and anxiety in other ways and find a reasonable frequency to connect, like weekly or even monthly, depending on the situation. Asking what works for them shows respect and awareness of their needs in this new chapter of your relationship.

If you know someone who is a new empty nester or is about to enter this stage of life, life transition counseling can help. Please reach out today to learn more.