Free Your Mind - Stop Letting Automatic Thoughts Control You

“Don’t believe everything you think,” I often say to clients who are chronically stuck in anxious thoughts.
What do you mean, or how is that even possible? They often ask.
Let’s dig in.

To be a functional human in society, we’re encouraged to use our minds: to make decisions, plan for the future, and think critically. And yet, we also spend enormous amounts of time analyzing, judging, planning, fantasizing, reacting, and criticizing ourselves or others.

Problems arise when our minds go into overdrive. We start automatically believing everything we think. Our psyches get crowded with addictions, compulsions, impulses, and reactivity, leaving no space to examine what’s happening inside. We avoid the gap between feeling, thinking, and acting because it can feel uncomfortable—or even frightening. So we distract ourselves from listening to ourselves.

The Danger of Holding Tightly to Our Thoughts

When we can’t tolerate our own thoughts and feelings, we project them onto others, straining relationships and harming communities. Projection ricochets, and reactions escalate. When ego takes over, psychological systems get stuck in unhealthy cycles—whether interpersonal or collective.

Under stress, curiosity rarely guides us. We dig our heels into our positions, waiting for others to change. Holding tightly to our thoughts and believing them to be true blocks understanding and growth.

When we cling rigidly to beliefs about ourselves, others, or the world, we create systemic and interpersonal problems. This is especially dangerous when people in power act impulsively—ego-driven actions can lead to violence, oppression, and war.

Even media reinforces this tendency. The news often skews toward fear and drama, which captures our attention. Believing everything we hear can make us adopt conspiracy theories, gossip, or rigid moral positions, driving wedges between ourselves and those with different perspectives.

The Cost of Not Questioning Your Mind

If we never challenge our thoughts, we may internalize harmful beliefs. Telling ourselves we’re ugly or unworthy eventually shapes how we feel. Believing we’re superior can lead to arrogance and harm toward others.

Finding a balance—observing your thoughts and choosing which to believe—cultivates self-awareness. You gain agency over your actions and relationships. True self-confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself while respecting others.

We Inherit Many of Our Thoughts

From childhood, we absorb messages from our environment: family, culture, and media. Movies, TV, and social scripts tell us what’s acceptable, who is valuable, and how life “should” unfold. Without questioning these messages, we carry inherited scripts into adulthood.

For example, young girls often receive messages about self-worth tied to appearance or caregiving. If these scripts go unexamined, they can lead to patterns of neglecting personal needs, confusion, or depression. Choosing which beliefs to accept—and which to challenge—is essential. Without choice, we live unconsciously, following scripts written by others.

How to Re-Align with Your Mind

If you never question your thoughts, your mind steers you unconsciously. Anxiety, fear, and self-criticism dominate when we give our thoughts too much power.

The first step toward freedom is creating space. Pause, notice, and observe. In that space, you can examine, question, and rewrite old patterns. You can stop reacting and start responding intentionally, taking the driver’s seat in your life.

A client once shared how he reviewed his day obsessively, replaying moments and wishing he’d acted differently. When I asked if he believed everything his mind told him, he paused. He had never put his thoughts on trial, keeping himself trapped in a harsh mental routine.

Steps Toward Mental Freedom

• Ask better questions.

• Tune out external noise.

• Listen to your own voice.

• Observe, without judgment, the stories you tell yourself.

Your mind helps navigate daily life, but it isn’t always steering in the right direction. By deepening self-awareness, you can separate from unconscious impulses, change reactive patterns, and gain freedom.

Someone else gave you a script. Your job is to challenge it.

Ask yourself:

• What do I tell myself about myself?

• What have others told me?

• Do I believe these messages?

• How do these beliefs affect my well-being?

The work is ongoing, but the reward is immense: a freer mind, greater self-confidence, and a more intentional life.