How Do I Know If I’ve Found a Good Therapist?
Why Finding the Right Therapist Matters
I've always been passionate about quality psychotherapy — not just as a clinician, but as someone who cares deeply about people getting the help they truly need. I often find myself guiding friends, family, and potential clients through the process of finding the right therapist. And even now, I'm still surprised by how many people have no idea what a good therapeutic relationship actually feels like.
Worse, I've seen so many people try therapy once with someone who wasn't a good fit — and then give up entirely. You wouldn't go on one bad date and swear off dating forever.
Finding the right therapist is essential if you want to make good use of your time, energy, and emotional investment. So what should you look for? And how do you know when it's time to keep looking?
Let's break it down.
It's Not Just the Type of Therapy — It's the Relationship
Why the therapy modality isn't the most important factor
These days, there's a lot of buzz around therapy modalities like EMDR, IFS, or CBT. You might hear that a particular approach is "evidence-based," or that it's the best way to "fix" trauma or feel better fast. These modalities can be incredibly effective — but they're not a magic bullet.
No matter what kind of therapy your therapist offers, the most crucial factor is how you feel in the room with them.
The research has been clear for decades: the quality of the relationship between therapist and client is the most important predictor of positive outcomes. Not the technique. Not the number of sessions. The relationship.
That means you should feel safe, respected, and comfortable enough to talk about what's really going on — even if it's hard. If you don't feel that sense of emotional safety, it may not be the right fit, no matter how many certifications your therapist has.
Convenience and Cost Matter — But So Does Fit
Let's be real: life is busy, therapy is expensive, and it's totally normal to want something convenient and affordable. Many people want a therapist nearby or one who takes their insurance — and those are valid priorities. But there's a trade-off that people don't always know about.
What You Should Know About Using Insurance for Therapy
If you're using insurance to pay for therapy, your therapist is usually required to provide a mental health diagnosis that goes into your permanent medical record. Insurance companies only cover therapy that is deemed "medically necessary," which means:
Self-exploration, personal growth, or relationship work? Not covered.
Anxiety, depression, trauma, or another diagnosable condition? Possibly covered.
This doesn't make insurance inherently bad — it just means you should be informed. The Western medical model is designed to treat illness, not to promote well-being, which affects how therapy is covered.
So if privacy is important to you, or you're seeking therapy for non-clinical reasons, paying out of pocket may give you more freedom and confidentiality — even though it's not accessible to everyone.
Cheaper Isn't Always Better in Therapy
You wouldn't choose the closest doctor if they weren't the best one for your needs — so don't do that with your mental health, either. Sometimes, choosing a therapist solely based on cost or location results in less effective care.
That said, therapy should be accessible. If cost is a barrier, many training clinics and supervised associates offer sliding-scale rates — often with excellent quality of care. Don't write off these options.
Green Flags: Signs You've Found a Solid Therapist
Here are a few key indicators that your therapist is a good fit — and that the therapy has the potential to be transformative:
You Feel Comfortable Being Fully Yourself
You don't need to censor your thoughts, avoid taboo topics, or pretend you're "doing fine."
You feel accepted, not judged, even when you share something raw, messy, or confusing.
This kind of emotional safety takes time to build — especially depending on your past attachment experiences, social conditioning, or relational wounds — but you should sense that the therapist is emotionally present and accepting.
They're Responsive and Reliable
I've heard so many stories from clients and friends about therapists who didn't return calls or took two weeks to respond to an email. That's a red flag.
If a therapist is inconsistent or unresponsive before you've even started therapy, imagine how they'll show up once you're working together.
Professionalism matters — and reliability is part of creating safety.
You Can Give Honest Feedback
Therapy is not an equal relationship — and it's not meant to be. You don't go there to take care of your therapist's feelings.
Being able to say, "That didn't sit right with me," or "I don't think you understood what I meant," is crucial.
A good therapist welcomes feedback and uses it to understand better and support you. If they become defensive, it's not necessarily a dealbreaker — but it is a moment that can reveal a lot about their self-awareness and openness. Ideally, they'll be able to reflect, adjust, and help you both grow from the interaction.
You Feel a Shift After Sessions
You might not walk out of every session feeling elated or "fixed," but you should feel some kind of movement.
Maybe you feel lighter.
Perhaps you feel heard.
Maybe something clicks in a new way.
You don't have to fully understand what's changing — but over time, you should sense that something is unfolding, even if slowly.
Trust the Process, But Also Trust Yourself
Therapy should challenge you, support you, and ultimately help you feel more like yourself — not less.
If you're wondering "Is my therapist a good fit?" or "How do I know if therapy is working?", pay attention to your internal experience.
A good therapist creates the kind of relationship that makes growth possible.
Need help figuring out whether your therapist is the right match—or starting your search from scratch?
Contact me for a consultation or explore my therapy services to learn more.
